McConnell gives Trump's Concession Speech for him on Senate Floor

(Satire at its best...)

A tired, torn and haggard Mitch McConnell took to the Senate Floor on Tuesday after an exhaustive meeting in the White House Situation Room with President Trump, Vice-President Pence, Lindsey Graham and House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy. The hastily called meeting, which was scrutinized by Vladimir Putin remotely via hidden cameras and microphones, allegedly was called to discuss "the President's next steps and the future of the GOP." 

It is unknown who among the guests wore masks at the meeting, but unnamed sources have confirmed that Putin was wearing his mask throughout his surveillance of the meeting. It is unknown if the guests were tested for COVID-19 upon entering the Situation Room. However, Russian media sources have verified that Putin recently tested negative for COVID-19.

 

McConnell's announcement:

McConnell, still winded from running into the Capitol corridor after being dropped off by one of the White House Chevy Suburbans driven by Donald Trump Jr., approached the Well of the Senate Floor and began his short, unrehearsed speech with all the major news sources present, even FOX News. 

"I met with the President and Vice-President Pence and leading GOP members of both houses of Congress. We discussed various options for President Trump, the GOP, and, most importantly, the American People, including the President's base. After much bantering back and forth, it was decided that I am to give this short statement which I will read now..

I, Mitch McConnell, acting on behalf of another, hereby concede the 2020 Presidential election to Former Vice-President Joseph A. Biden on behalf of President Donald J. Trump, effective this date, November 10, 2020. I do this freely and with all kinds of reservations; but nobody cares what I think anymore."